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Love, Sex, Cheating, Monogamy and Happiness…

0076228001597700364.jpgJianny’s recent interview by Lori Peters of the Happiness Hangout on BBS Radio as part of a panel of relationship experts and authors.

  1. What are your clients #1 reason for relationship struggles and break ups?

My clients come in for an assortment of issues whether they drifted apart and lost their “us” or their SPARK to conflicts they haven’t been able to resolve on their own. What they have in common is they’re trying to eliminate pain or to avoid the pain that comes from feeling disconnected from each other. Underlying these issues is usually a need to learn effective communication skills to help increase understanding and come together to resolve conflict.

  1. What do you think destroys a relationship besides cheating and apathy? How do you re-store it?

Cheating doesn’t destroy a marriage. What destroys marriages and relationships are LIES and DECEPTION. Unless, you’re dealing with a chronic cheater, most relationships that experience a partner straying, have an underlying issues that’s pulling them apart— emotionally. Not that this makes it OK, but the straying partner seeks the emotional connection elsewhere. I work with couples who have experienced betrayal to repair their connection, bond and intimacy. With support, many couples redesigned and recharged their marriages making their relationships stronger and better than ever.

  1. What are the biggest relationship stressors?

Any time your attachment needs go unmet, you’re in pain. The relationship has tension and conflict. Attachment needs are: need to be seen and heard, for deep connection, affection and touch, emotional support, respect and appreciation.

  1. Are there actually couples who fall more in love over time and how do they do it?

Healthy couples have the ability to grow together. Healthy couples create a love bubble – a reinforcing circle – emotional intimacy leads to sexual intimacy, which encourages more self-disclosure, making you feel closer to your partner and have more positive regard for your partner.

Sex triggers a cascade of love hormones, aiding to create a closed circuit of knowing and being known. When older couples say, “I love her more today than when I married her.” These words don’t refer to the initial high of falling in love but to a deeper, richer bond nurtured through their time and commitment.

  1. What do you really think about commitment, can we be monogamous?

Most people don’t want to share their partner. They expect to be in a committed monogamous relationship. Oxytocin is dubbed the “love or cuddle hormone”. Oxytocin and vasopressin released through physical touch and during sex, for both men and women, produce a general sense of well-being, feeling soothed, peaceful and  secure. It also reduces stress, anxiety and fear. Oxytocin helps alleviates grief and depression. These love hormones increase trust, leading to deeper attachment to one another and attribute to helping men (who have a higher concentration of testosterone, which increases sexual desire) to be faithful and monogamous. Love helps us to be faithful and to value our partner and relationship.

  1. What do you do when you’re in a relationship rut?

Become more spontaneous and bring novelty into the relationship. Take turns setting up fun dates that include an activity. You can go dancing, canoeing, or check out art fairs. You can take evening walks around the block then open a blanket in your backyard and stargaze. All you need is a little imagination.

The entire discussion and/or interview can be heard on BBS radio’s “happiness hangout“…

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