Dear Fearless Love,
I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years about two weeks ago and she said “yes.” Now, I’m regretting that move. We’re both in our fifties and our children are out of the house. We’ve lived together all this time as if we were married — or at least for 4 of the 5 years we’ve been together. So why change a good thing? I’ve noticed that as soon as I proposed, I started to feel anxious, suffocated and like I wanted to run away from all of this. I do not want to get married! What should I do? I have no intention of leaving her, but I really don’t want to change the way things are. I’m just not sure how to bring this up to her.
~Scott
Coaching and Counseling in Delray Beach with Jianny Adamo of Fearless Love
Dear Scott,
Post engagement jitters can occur at times. Be patient with your anxieties as perhaps they may be drawing your attention to unfinished business from a past relationship that needs completion prior to moving on to your next marriage. Other reasons for the anxieties can arise from anticipation of role and/or responsibility changes or an avoidant attachment style of intimacy, something requiring the support of a therapist to help you grow into a secure and stable partner in romantic relationships.
Talk with your fiancé about these concerns. Open and honest communication leads to greater understanding and deeper connection, the antidote to the jitters. I’d imagine that your fiancé is very important to you. Re-negotiating the engagement may backfire and cause a rift in the “good thing” you have established with her. It may be seen as a lack of commitment on your part. Love takes courage and risk. May you attain what you truly want in spite of your fears.
It’s my goal to empower and educate so you have the tools needed to enrich the love that brought you together. You’re wired to love and be loved fearlessly!
