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Why Does Love Change Us

0657985001597699664.jpgDear Fearless Love,

I’d like to find the right person, fall in love and get married without it changing anything about my life. I’ve had several relationships, but haven’t found a compatible person. Either we lose interest or we fight too much. I don’t want love to change me. Any advice?


Dear Larry,

When we fear the evolution that comes from love, it usually is a signal of fear of intimacy. Love is the merging of two hearts, which happens through chemistry and by being emotionally intimate with another. Intimacy speaks of deep connection and closeness, seeing the other person as they truly are and conversely, to be seen by them. We can be completely free with one another.

This sense of transparency and deep friendship makes us feel connected, understood, gives us comfort, strengthens our sense of security and gives us a sense of belonging. It’s what we long for deep inside and when we find it we value and safeguard it because of how special and sacred our connection is.

Intimacy is at the heart of a strong marriage and relationship. Oxytocin and opioids, the neurochemistry of attachment makes us feel happy encouraging more of the same. This, in turn, gives passage to opening ourselves deeper, to make sacrifices to benefit our partner and the relationship; work through conflicts effectively.

Intimacy can be found in loving relationships with family members and friends not only with romantic partners. It requires a great deal of trust and vulnerability, which some people find frightening. A common concern in therapy are people who struggle with intimacy and fear of intimacy, which can be overcome.

Through the intimacy that comes from love, two hearts merge expanding our sense of self as your partner becomes part of you and you become a part of your partner. “I” becomes a “we”. Once love touches our lives, we will never be the same.


From Love Trauma To Fearless Love: 7 Tango Steps for Breaking Free From Narcissists and Predators  

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