Better yet, score big by speaking your spouse’s love language.
If you are looking for ways to stop the complaints, create more harmony and to connect more deeply, Dr. Gary Chapman suggests that as human beings we give and receive love through five basic love languages. Each of us gravitates to a particular language or grouping of these languages.
Words of Affirmation
Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. If your main love language is words of affirmation, then you spend a great deal of time complimenting and building others up. Conversely, criticism and judgments crush your spirit. If your spouse’s primary love language is affirmations, it’s important to give appreciations, compliments and recognition at a minimum of 5:1 ratio to each criticism. Giving kind and loving words, freely, will score big in your marriage.
Physical touch and affection is important for our ability to not only survive, but to thrive as a species. If this is your primary love language, holding hands, kissing, hugs, and sexual intimacy is very important for you to feel loved. If your spouse’s primary love language is physical touch, you will help them feel more secure and esteemed when you give away your hugs and kisses freely to them.
Acts of Services
Acts of services means doing things you know your spouse would like you to do such as cooking, cleaning the dishes, laundry, helping with the children, fixing leaky faucets, throwing out the garbage, taking the cars for service. If this is your main love language, you really enjoy serving and supporting others. If your spouse’s love language is acts of services then being a team player will score big in your marriage. Go ahead and shower your mate with acts of love.
Nothing speaks more about love than giving our undivided attention to another. If this is your primary love language, it’s natural for you to keep your spouse company while they do the dishes or cook. If your spouse has quality time as their main love language, turn off the TV, technology and devices; instead look at your spouse in the eyes and enjoy a peaceful conversation or enjoy a nature walk together. Enjoying the present moment, together, without distractions will score big in your marriage.
Love naturally moves us to take pleasure in giving, even more than in the receiving. If this is your main love language then you tend to be generous in giving gifts to your loved ones. If your spouse has gifts as a primary love language, every time you bring them a gift, no matter how big or small, you send a message that your marriage is important. Your spouse will feel considered and cherished. Chocolates, flowers, perfume… score big.
By giving the love language your spouse speaks, you can hit the mark. If you really want to score big, flow in each of these love languages daily and see your love grow into a blazing fire.