Dear Fearless Love,
I’m 34, single and really want to find my mate. Looking back on my prior relationships, I’ve noticed I’ve had a hard time trusting men. How do I move past this? What’s your advice?
How wonderful that you are looking inward before moving forward. Falling in love and attracting your mate requires vulnerability. Somewhere is a trustworthy man who has been yearning to meet a woman like you.
1. Be clear on what you want and believe that he is out there.
2. Seek healing for how you’ve been betrayed or wounded in your previous relationships.
3. Learn to trust yourself. When meeting or communicating with a new guy, trust your gut feelings. If you sense something wrong or you may not feel safe, do not excuse it. If you err on the side of perfectionism or reactivity, then get wisdom from a trusted friend before making a decision. If you feel safe with him you may want to give him three chances as misunderstandings do happen. Each instance needs to be cleared in order for you to proceed to another date. If you don’t feel safe with him, move on.
4. Reclaim your personal power. Take responsibility for the parts you played in past relationships. This will help you from being victimized again. If you were too passive, learn to assert yourself. If too reactive, practice gentleness. You have the freedom to choose how you show up in the world and with whom you spend your time and give your attention to.
5. Embrace a new mindset. The love of your life is out there. Respect and listen to yourself. Associate with trustworthy people and be a trustworthy individual. Enlist friends and family to connect you with men who may be a good match for you.
6. Trust is earned not granted; therefore, take your time. It’s better to take time to meet Mr. Right than fall for Mr. Wrong. Safeguard your heart. Mr. Right will also want to safeguard your heart. Time and experience with him will reveal those truths.