Dear Fearless Love,
My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago and since then I have lost interest in the things I enjoy — like going to the gym and hanging out with my friends. He has a new girlfriend, and I can’t stop crying or feeling angry that he could move on so quickly! Some of my friends tell me to move on, but how can I when my heart is broken into a million pieces? What can I do or is there something I need to learn through this?
Yazmin
Dear Yazmin,
Give yourself the time you need to heal. Consider the starfish. Starfish symbolize healing and renewal. They are emblematic of guidance, salvation in times of trouble and divine love. The sea star’s remarkable ability to regenerate a broken limb is just like our heart’s ability to heal and regenerate attitudes, beliefs and mindsets. We can cutoff beliefs that disempower as well as unfulfilling attachments that no longer serve us or our relationship goals. We can grow new limbs of behaviors, thought to greater consciousness and levels of experience. We can also grow new limbs to embrace divine love and wholeness.
Most starfish have 5 points. Using the starfish as our guide, here are 5 points for regenerating or healing your broken heart:
1. Maintain or modify routines. As hard as this is try to wake up and go through the day as you normally would. You may have lost zest for life and function without motivation but keep putting one foot in front of the other. Consider it a temporary gestation period while your heart grows new limbs.
2. Engage in low impact exercise. Your energy level is low so move in the direction your heart allows. Not exercising may be what comes easily, but you’ll get more benefits if you engage in nature walks, yoga, leisure bike rides or swimming. Allow the restorative qualities of nature to embrace and bring you comfort.
3. Create. Engaging in arts and crafts, decorating or woodworking projects provide an escape and channel your creative abilities to alleviate pain and increase peacefulness.
4. Listen to restorative music. Try the soothing sounds of instrumental, classical, and yoga tunes. You may also find yourself drawn to playing the guitar or another instrument. Let the rhythm move you to self-expression and integration between body and soul.
5. Gratitude. While in a state of brokenness, it’s easy to feel jealousy for what your heart longs for and someone else has. It’s easy to be hypersensitive and judgmental when others are insensitive toward you, and it’s also easy to hold on to anger and self-pity. Remember, as the starfish, focus on regeneration. Step away from shallow, superficial relationships and seek divine wisdom, guidance and love. Through prayer and meditation you can adopt a spirit of gratitude for what you have and what you aspire to be or to become.
When you go through a break-up, the primary individual you would seek comfort from is no longer there or is the cause of the pain. Precisely at this time it is best to seek divine love. Turning to the arms of another romantic partner provides temporary relief. Validation and wholeness does not come from another person but from God. Only he can breathe life and make us whole.
While the above provides guidelines for healing a broken heart, if you have been in an abusive relationship, it’s important to seek professional counseling to restore the trust, sense of security and the self-esteem that’s been lost.
Regenerate with a 12-week individual or couple’s coaching package. Please contact Jianny at [email protected], call with her at 561-450-5580 or visit www.fearlesslove.net. Phone and Skype consultations available.
