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Negativity Ruining My Relationship


I Can’t Stop Complaining

I tend to find something negative to say in about most things and I greet most of my husband’s ideas with negativity. It drains me and it depresses my husband. I know I need to have more gratitude and see the good in life. When my husband points out my complaining, I typically tell him that I just see things as they really are, and then he gets offended. For a day or so, I’ll lighten up on the negative comments and then I’m right back at it. It’s ruining my relationship. What can I do to stop and give my husband a break from my negativity? Can a habitual complainer stop – and stop poisoning our marriage?

– Noreen

Dear Noreen,

I agree that a habitual complainer can poison a marriage. It might help to think where this negativity is coming from. Perhaps your negativity comes from feeling depleted. Consider prioritizing replenishment, play and pleasure in your life and in your marital relationship. Focusing on these on a daily basis minimizes pain, counters sadness, depression, anger, loneliness; fatigue. It also minimizes self-medicating behaviors such as turning to food for comfort, or using caffeine for energy, and alcohol for relaxation. It reduces health risks such as diabetes, cancer, heart disease, arthritis, and any stress related illness.

As an individual and as a couple discover how to restore and replenish each other’s energies through what pleases and pleasures you:

1. Research what brings you pleasure – white or dark chocolate, dancing, playing golf?
2. Create daily pleasure practices at home – sunset walks, aroma therapy massage; bubble baths.
3. Create daily pleasure breaks at work – take 10 – 15 minutes in the morning and afternoon to chat with your co-workers or for a quick lap around the parking lot. Don’t skimp on your lunch hour. Eat your meal and then go do something fun i.e., a manicure or a 30- minute foot reflexology massage.
4. Create time in your schedule and guard your daily pleasure breaks.

Instead of spending so much energy problem-solving or in negativity, why not balance your time having fun alone and/or with each other? Come together about what you can do to add pleasure and play to your life and marriage. When you are busy having fun and enjoying your life, there is no time for complaining!

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