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Friends With The Ex


Dear Fearless Love,

I am still friends with my ex, but my current boyfriend has an issue with this. We are just friends, but he feels uncomfortable about us still hanging out together. What am I obligated to do here? Do we break up or am I forced to give up the friendship even though we’ve known each other a very long time?


Dear Cindee,

I am assuming your ex is your ex-husband. It is said that a divorce is 20% legal and 80% emotional. In order to be emotionally available for your next relationship it is important to let go of emotional ties, dependencies and attachments of your past relationship. This is very hard to do as it requires complete mourning, aka death, of the relationship: What it was, what it wasn’t and what it will never be. If you feel that you have already gone through all the stages of grief: Denial/Isolation, Bargaining, Anger, Depression; Acceptance and now have reestablished a new relationship with your ex but it is getting in the way of your new love, you may want to consider which of these relationships is the most important. Do you want to hold on to the past relationship which is safe and predictable? Do you want to embrace a new relationship and its uncertainties? Examining your answers to these questions may help determine how to approach each of them. Ultimately, it is important for you to have clarity unto what it is you really want for yourself as well as making sure you are truly honoring the relationships you are in.

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