Dear Fearless Love,
I want to ask out a woman I know, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea. She divorced her husband about 4 months ago. I’m not close friends with her, however we do know each other. She’s someone I’ve always liked and so when she divorced, I was actually happy I could pursue her. What’s your advice about asking someone out after a divorce? Good idea or not? Is it too soon? She’s a great lady and I’d love to get to know her better. -Will
Dear Will,
It’s a good idea to take a timeout from romantic relationships after a divorce. This time is best used to complete the stages of grief which starts prior to filing for divorce: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Individuals cycle through in no particular order and revisit different stages until reaching complete acceptance of their loss. Ending a marriage represents a loss of hopes and dreams, perhaps a lifestyle and requires learning how to live without your other half. Divorce is never easy and can be more stressful than the death of a spouse. Following a divorce, individuals need time to heal, and if there are children it is wise to give them time to adjust to their new reality before introducing another person into their lives.
Your lady friend is the only one who can decide when she’s ready to date. Generally speaking, it takes about 1 year for every 5 years of marriage for the emotional divorce and healing to complete. Call her and at the very least be a friend. Allow things to evolve naturally. She may be happy to have male companionship at this stage of her process and with your sensitivity she may see you as a gift.
