Dear Fearless Love,
Who are you- really? I am considering joining an online dating site. I have heard that people online frequently misrepresent themselves and many are already married. I think people you meet in person can do the same thing. That got me thinking, what information should I be asking people I “meet” online. What type of information should I ask when we’re corresponding and before we actually meet?
– Anthony, 49 and divorced
I find the title of your request to be your guide: Who are you- really, Anthony? Whether dating online or in more traditional ways the first order of business is to know yourself.
You should know whether you are looking for recreational short-term dating, long-term relationship or marriage.
What are your non-negotiables for example: honesty, financial stability, where you’d like to live, children, lifestyle, religion, etc.? How about your interests? Do you see yourself rollerblading, bowling or going to the symphony with your partner?
Once you narrow down your needs and interests what you are looking for becomes more apparent. You can tailor your conversations around what’s important to you. Also pay close attention to how you feel both on the phone call and in person. Trust your intuition. If you are sensing something is not quite right or a red flag comes up then you’re probably right. Don’t make excuses for it and move on.
There are a variety of online dating site. Do your research before making a selection as you may find that some sites can take a lot of the guess work out of the sorting process.